


Salad

by AvaKelly



Series: Bits and Pieces [15]
Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Dildos, Humor, M/M, Polyamory, dick salad, yogurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-05-10 18:41:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5596675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvaKelly/pseuds/AvaKelly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint and Bucky argue like little kids one day about the intricacies of sniping, when Clint says “Go eat a dick salad!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I blame the Cat for this.
> 
> First fic of 2016!
> 
> Have a good year, everyone! o/

Clint and Bucky argue like little kids one day about the intricacies of sniping, when Clint says “Go eat a dick salad!”

Bucky just turns away, walks out, and returns half an hour later with a bowl filled with chopped up dildos, all covered in yogurt sauce.

“Thought I’d share,“ he says sweetly, and Clint wants to do something horrible to that smirk of his.

But he’s gotta hand it to Bucky, it’s a pretty good comeback.

“You put yours in here as well?“ Clint asks, poking at the bits of latex with the tip of the arrow he’s been playing with.

“If you want my dick, all you gotta do is ask.“

Oh, that’s it. Clint does something horrible all right. He kisses Bucky.

Wait, what is Clint doing, he had a point to make… but it doesn’t matter anymore, because Bucky’s kissing right back, wet and hot and pulling Clint closer.

~

“Where’d you get all those dildos, anyway?“ Clint asks while they’re floating on the remnants of pleasure, Bucky curled up around him like a big cat.

“Stark keeps leaving them in Steve’s nightstand in the hopes of making Steve flustered.“

“Huh.“

“Yeah,“ Bucky sniffs.

“Tony doesn’t know he’s dating both me and you at the same time?“ he asks, running his fingers through Bucky’s hair.

“Ngh,“ comes back with a yawn. “He’s trying to ask Sam out, too.“

“Really?“

“Yeah.“

“I like Sam,“ Clint grins.

“Hey. Easy. No scaring him off with dick salads.“

“You did that, you!“

“Shut up.“

Clint pokes at Bucky’s shoulder. “I still don’t think you can make that shot with that ammo in rain.“

“Go to sleep, sweetheart.“

Clint does, pressing his pleased smile on the top of Bucky’s head. He’s gonna sneak that bowl into Tony’s bedroom tomorrow.

~~~


	2. Chapter 2

Clint stretches before grabbing his mug of coffee and joining Steve at the kitchen table. He gets a kiss to the knuckles while Steve is absorbed in whatever he's reading in the newspaper and that fills Clint with so many things, he can't count on his fingers alone. If he'd have been asked about being in a polyamorous setting six months ago, he'd have adamantly refused to even consider it. Yet, here is is now.

Happy.

And even though it feels like Steve's collecting people, it also feels like Clint's gaining them, too. That's why the thought of Sam doesn't scare him. Also, Bucky's done a hell of a job convincing Clint he's still cared for last night. Clint shifts with a smile to himself.

"So Sam huh?" Clint asks after his second refill, tongue a little less heavy with sleep.

Steve looks at him, a little startled, mouth opening and closing a few times. "Bucky told you," he finally says.

"Mhm," Clint nods.

With a sigh, Steve folds up the newspaper. "I wasn't gonna do anything, not before talking to you."

Clint knows, so he nods again before catching Steve's fingers into his own over the table.

"Actually, I don't think I will," comes next, and Clint frowns.

"Why not? Sam's great."

Steve makes an aborted movement with his other hand. "It's... when I told you and Bucky about each other, you were sad and he was mad. I just can't start something with Sam and then hurt him."

"Aw, Steeb," Clint mutters, resting his head on his arm.

True, he didn't take it well when Steve sat the three of them down with an ominous 'We need to talk,' but they're over this. Clint is _happy_. He wants Steve happy. If that means adding Sam into the mix, hell, Clint will even help. He's sure Bucky will, too.

"How much do you like him?" he asks.

Steve's lips twitch with a small smile he can't really hide, and he looks away.

"That much, huh?" Clint adds, squeezing his fingers. Steve says nothing, though, so Clint takes a deep breath. "Look, how about you go ask him out, see if he's even interested. If he is, me and Buck will talk to him."

Even after all this time, Steve can't handle rejection, and the amazed look he turns at Clint says quite a lot. "And you wonder why I love you," Steve breathes.

"Psh," Clint returns. Yep, out of the three of them, Clint's the one who can't handle vocal displays of feelings. But the other two understand and keep telling him, showing him. Clint cannot stress it enough. He's happy.

"A--ack!"

A loud shout, more of a yell actually, drifts through the rooms surrounding the kitchen. Footsteps follow in rapid thuds before Clint and Steve even manage to look around for a threat. A second later, Tony rushes into the kitchen, a bowl in his hands.

Oops, Clint forgot about that one. He left it last night on Tony's bed, but apparently he didn't account for the fact that Tony doesn't usually go to sleep until morning. Now the yogurt's all stinky and...

Tony strides over, glaring with the power of a thousand suns, and dumps the entire bowl of dildo pieces onto Steve's head.

... ew.

"Tony, if this is semen, I'll--" Steve starts after a beat of confusion.

"You'll what? Lecture me?" he returns with a snort.

Full laughter follows from behind Tony, and Clint looks up to find Bucky there, already filming everything. Clint lets mirth overcome him until his eyes water with it and his cheeks hurt.

Steve's face doesn't lose the stricken set even as he wipes it with a paper towel while Tony still glares, arms crossed.

"No, I'll come into every one of your smoothies and you won't even know it!" Steve almost shouts back.

Oh-oh. Clint exchanges a worried look with Bucky, who's already taking a step back toward the door. Clint starts to slide off his chair.

But Tony laughs then, shoulders shaking, and after a second it makes Steve chuckle as well.

"What is going on--" Sam's voice drifts over as he stops in the doorway. He takes one look at them all, then raises his hands. "Nope, I don't wanna know," he adds before turning on his heel.

Bucky sneaks off, the bastard, through the other door, but he grabs Clint on his way out, so there is that.

"I told Steve we'd talk to Sam for him," Clint tells Bucky when they're far enough away.

"You mean I'll talk to Sam," Bucky returns with a sigh.

"Please?"

"You owe me so many blow jobs, Barton," Bucky shakes his head.

As he said. Clint's _happy_.

~


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what's going on here, where this is going or what. And how. Don't ask. I'll just post updates if I'm getting inspiration for them.   
> Fly joke by Hraf :)

"Sam," Steve nudges Sam's shoulder, but Sam's staring into space numbly. "Psst, Sam."

They've all been through hell and back with this last one. Tony's been out of the country with Rhodey and Pepper, Nat's been on leave, Bruce was somewhere far away to recharge, Thor back in Asgard... which left Clint, Bucky, Steve, and Sam as mighty defenders of Earth.

Clint sighs. He was hoping for an easy week, but no such luck. Now the four of them, victorious and tired, are huddled in the back of a quinjet on their way back to the Tower. JARVIS has been a doll in taking over the piloting this once.

Next to Clint, Bucky sniffles and leans closer.

"Sam," Steve tries again.

"Psst--"

"What," Sam grits back.

"Check your fly," Steve says.

Clint lazily shifts his eyes toward the other two and feels Bucky change position slightly to look their way as well. Yep, Sam's zipper slid down sometime during the fight, but it's not that bad. Barely visible. Unlike that time Clint walked around the tower with an open fly and purple underpants. At least Sam's wearing sensible black unmentionables. Like Bucky. Mm, Bucky. Clint can't wait to have a shower then pass out between Steve and Bucky and their warmth.

Sam looks down and blinks several times. "Oh."

Oh, oh man. Steve's quiet, but Clint can recognize that faint blush high on his cheeks for what it is. Somehow, he manages to abstain from giggling. Must be the exhaustion.

"Think you can help me with that?"

"What," Steve says, head swiveling so fast toward Sam that for a moment Clint thinks it's going to twist all the way around.

"What," Sam returns, eyebrows raised and face serious.

Steve stutters, mumbles, turns away, and Sam rolls his eyes before fixing his fly. So. Sam likes Steve and Steve just missed an opening. Even Clint saw that one and Clint's naturally bad at flirting.

"Your boyfriend's hopeless," Bucky whispers.

"Excuse me, he's your boyfriend, too," Clint returns, just as quietly.

The awkwardness on the other side of the quinjet continues. They're both blushing now.

"Not today," Bucky mutters, humor barely masked. Clint wants to kiss him silly. "We should talk to Sam soon, I can't stand to see this anymore."

"Yeah, imagine all that muscle," Clint breathes, fantasy getting the better of him, "Sam riding Steve, back arched, eye closed--"

"You want me to what?!" Sam's voice interrupts Clint's train of thought and he startles.

Bucky laughs next to him, while Steve's face is caught between horror and... more horror, and Clint's brain salutes him while it goes offline.

"Dick salad!" Clint yells, running into the cockpit to hide.

Bucky howls loud enough to cause JARVIS to inquire about everyone's health and Clint rests his head in his hands.

Oops.

~

"You ok over there?" Sam's voice interrupts Clint's self chastising and he looks up. How long has it been? Minutes? Hours? They're still not over New York yet.

"If by ok you mean mortified, then sure," Clint manages. Truth be told, he's done far worse in the past, but it was always on him. This time, it's about Steve and Clint might have just fucked it up for him.

"Hey, we all have fantasies," Sam says as he takes the copilot seat.

Clint blinks at him. "You're not upset?"

"Nah," Sam smiles. "I'm flattered. Between supersoldiers and a demigod, the fact that you thought of me is awesome."

His smile turns into a grin and Clint feels his lips curl into a smirk as well. Sam leans closer, lowering his voice as well as he speaks.

"Can I ask you something?"

Clint nods, eyebrow raised.

"Do you know if Steve's with Bucky?"

"Why?"

"Because," Sam whispers, sparing a look over his shoulder at the two in the back, "I've tried my best moves on him, nothing works."

Woah, no, Clint's not equipped to deal with this. What did Steve want? Ah, right, to ask Sam out. That's what Clint should do, ask him out for Steve.

"Do you wanna go to dinner?" he asks and Sam frowns. Ok, dinner's too much. "Coffee? Or tea if that's what you like, you know," Clint mumbles, waving a hand. "A mov--"

"Really?" Sam asks, face brightening. "I thought you were straight. I'd love to go out with you."

"What--" Clint swallows. "What about Steve?"

Sam shrugs a shoulder. "I tried," he says, resigned. "Look, if people don't want me, I'm not gonna push."

Clint leans around the backrest to peer at Steve, who's sitting with an uncomfortable curl under Bucky's disapproving stare. But Sam doesn't know all that's between them, so Clint can see why he'd think Steve's unavailable.

"I like you, too," Sam continues, "so let's go out, see if you like me back."

No, that's-- Clint opens his mouth, but Sam's phone rings and he raises to take the call. He's off with a wink Clint's way.

Clint whines just as Bucky's head pops into his line of sight. He takes a look at Clint before letting out a sigh.

"What'd you do?"

"Steve's gonna kill me," Clint breathes before he tells Bucky about his future date with Sam.

Bucky laughs, the asshole. But then he kisses Clint's forehead and promises to help, just like he always does.

"I guess that conversation can't wait any longer," Bucky says.

~

Steve's way too happy about it than he should be.

"Think about it," he says as he wiggles closer to Clint under the comforter. "It's a good sign, he likes us both."

"I feel so left out right now," Bucky mutters.

Steve lifts himself and leans over Clint to give him a kiss. It does little to placate Bucky.

"And I'm gonna do all the work with Sam," Bucky continues. "Just so you know, I'm not lifting a finger during sex for the foreseeable future. And I expect to come first."

"Sure," Steve says.

Clint would reply, too, but his lips are too busy pressing their smile onto Bucky's knuckles. It's good to not have to clean up his messes all alone, to have support, acceptance, to be loved. He hopes Sam will see the benefits in this, so he can share in this elation.

~


End file.
